Please use PostgreSQL @gendercensus !
It'll do 50,000 calculations instantly an average computer, or at max 10 secs on a toaster, and save you lots of headaches in the future!
One thing I'd point out here, philosophically, is that Excel is a program designed to trick you into thinking you're not "coding" when you use it. SQL is much more nakedly 'code', but it's very much the same type of code as Excel formulas; more of your current skills will transfer than you might think.
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